Day 9 - Does Perfect Skin Stop Dermatillomania?
7:25 PM
In my
previous blogs I had been looking at the ways in which I had defined my skin,
and the relationship which I had thus built with it. These definitions and word
associations were mostly negative, like ‘dry’, ‘stretched’, ‘unpredictable’ etc….
but when I looked deeply into myself I saw that I also held seemingly ‘positive’
definitions toward my skin. One would think this would be good and normal, but
if you read on, you will see how I took a ‘positive’ word association that I had
held about my skin, and over time used it instead to feed the disorder, just
like I had done with the negative ones.
The moral f
this blog: don’t judge your skin (or yourself) in any way whatsoever. Just don’t
do it. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you cannot
accept. Judging in any way only creates a separation between self and one’s
body, it creates a standard instead of natural self-expression and rational
nurturing, and it also creates hidden reactions of fear and anxiety. Read on to
find out how I reached these conclusions using self-forgiveness, and what I
plan on doing about it.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘skin’ to
the word ‘youthful’.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘skin’
within the word ‘youthful’.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word
‘skin’ and from the word ‘youthful’ by defining the word ‘skin’ within the word
‘youthful’ in separation of myself.
I connect
the word skin to ‘youthful’ because at 33 years of age, my skin has only
recently been showing signs of aging. Up until now it has been young skin –
that’s all I know. I remember looking at the skin on my arm once, it was before
I had even contemplated picking my arms, it was tanned and smooth and the light
was shining off of it, it had a healthy glow to it. I was blown away by how
beautiful, firm and youthful it looked. I thought to myself, “that is the way I
always wanted my skin to look”. Interestingly, from then on I started picking
the skin on my arms, trying to obtain and recreate that perceived perfection.
In the end I ruined it. I always say to myself, it’ll heal, it’ll come back…
but as I mentioned earlier: at 33, my skin is starting to show some signs, and
in reality, our youthful skin does not last forever.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at my skin and
creating a feeling reaction within myself that my skin is youthful and that
this is ‘good’ and ‘right’, because I see, realize and understand that if I
place the value of myself into looking youthful, then I am setting myself up
for failure, because as we grow older, our bodies age, without exception.
When and
as I see myself wanting/desiring youthful looking skin, I stop, and I breathe.
I bring myself back to unconditional self-acceptance by reminding myself that
my skin and I are on this journey to life together, as one, and age will
happen. I will not accept or allow myself to place my precious value outside of
Who I am as Life, as a living being that exists Here and Now, and into a
picture presentation of what I think I should look like in order to feel happy
within me.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that
youthful-looking skin will create peace-of-mind within me, because I already
demonstrated that when I had judged my skin as youthful, wherein it triggered
derma because I began to fear to lose it and obsessively try to make it ‘better’
and ‘more perfect’. I see, realize and understand that I as my mind have
created and now cycle the thinking/thought patterns of dermatillomania, and
THAT is the issue, not my skin nor my skin’s appearance. I can’t simply switch
over to having peace of mind and self-acceptance by altering the way I look.
No. I have to actually stop the current patterns of judgment and abuse, and
this is doable by investigating the thoughts, accepting myself through forgiveness,
and scripting a change.
I commit
myself to accept myself the way I am (watch this TED talk about self-acceptance, it’s life-changing
cutting edge stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tkkL9w2pw8), by no longer
fooling myself into chasing after youthful looking skin- but instead nurturing
my skin as it is, as best as possible.
When and
as I see that I am picking at my skin in an attempt to ‘correct’ it or make it
look more perfect and youthful, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to
reality by reminding myself that what I am doing is having the opposite effect.
It is aging my skin, creating flaws and blemishes, and that the faster I stop,
the less damage I will do, and I stop immediately, as soon as I become aware of
what I am doing.
I commit
myself to stop immediately, as soon as I become aware of what I am doing,
regardless of the internal energetic experience I will feel: “but I’m not
finished”, “but I can’t leave it like this”, “I NEED to do pick this off or
else everybody on the street will notice it and look at me”.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that
a picking session has a set end time when ‘the task is done’. The task should
have never begun in the first place. The task is delusional. The task is only
bad and consequential, and stopping is only good for me and beneficial – no matter
what way I look at it.
I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that
people in the street will notice tiny little things on my skin. Note to self:
get over yourself. Another note to self: What people WILL notice is the mark
you leave if you don’t stop immediately, as soon as you are aware.
If you would like to teach yourself how to find the answer to yourself within yourself, check out DIP Lite. You move through the lessons, looking at the mind as you've never seen it before. You are assigned to a 'buddy', someone that has already walked the process, to support you through the writing. It is completely free and confidential. On lesson 6 you get 4 amazingly supportive chats with your buddy.
Also, PLEASE watch this TED talk! Unconditional Positive Regard
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