Day 7- Dermatillomania: The Secrets Within How We View Our Skin
10:00 PM
If you haven’t already done so, please read my
previous blog Here for context. However, this blog can be read on its own, just scroll to the coloured section.
The purple sections are where I forgive myself for 1) connecting
the above listed words to the word ‘skin’, 2) for defining ‘skin’ within these
words, and 3) for separating myself from the whole process of defining/living
the word ‘skin’ by having done this in unawareness and not having considered my
responsibility within it all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the word ‘skin’ to the word ‘shameful’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define
the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘shameful’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself from the word ‘skin’ and from the word ‘shameful’ by defining
the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘shameful’ in separation of myself.
The blue
section is where I forgive the reasons why I developed this part of the
definition of the word ‘skin’, and state how I commit to change in relation to
it.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect my skin to the word ‘shameful’ because when I think
of or see my skin I feel ashamed of what I have done to it because I know that
what I am doing is hurting me, yet I do it anyways because it feeds the energies
in my mind which allows me to remain the same, stuck in the same cycles which keeps
me in the addiction that is called dermatillomania and OCD, wherein I sacrifice
myself as my physical body, that of me which is real, for the sake of a psychological
‘need’, which is not real in our shared reality, but only in my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to feel ashamed of the choices I constantly make day in and day
out, to submit to the urges, and to not do everything in my power to stop, but
to instead put it off, do it later, allow it ‘just once’ more, making excuses,
justifications and validating the behavior repeatedly.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself because I developed a disorder due to
ignorance and a lack of information and a lack of proper tools to deal with how
to direct myself in relation to how my mind processes experience and my
reactions towards it.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that it is my skin that I am
ashamed of, when my skin simply exists as it is, without judgment, whereas I as
the mind attach emotional energetic reactions and judgments to myself and
everything around me thus feeding the disorder and deteriorating myself and the
qualities I need to develop to be able to overcome it.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing shame to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing shame to replace action/practical application of the tools I am
learning, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use shame
to get me down and make me feel bad about myself which I can then use as a
justification and excuse to not change and not take care of myself.
I commit myself to replace shame with
action, with all the small actions as steps I am taking to stabilize myself and
my life.
I commit myself to continue and to
increase pushing myself towards developing the discipline, self-will, self-motivation,
steadfastness and perseverance that I will require to overcome this disorder as
well as to realize myself as Life Here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the word ‘skin’ to the word ‘stretched’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define
the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘stretched’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself from the word ‘skin’ and from the word ‘stretched’ by defining
the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘stretched’ in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to see my skin as stretched because it does not ‘bounce back’
from the damage I do the way it used to and thus I view it as old and dried out
and stretched and I imagine a picture of sore and stretched out skin.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to pick and squeeze and scratch my skin until it feels all
stretched out, and then to react to it in fear of wrinkles, aging, marks and
scars, as if my skin itself were causing the fear and as if I were the victim
in the scenario.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to not take responsibility for my actions within not looking at
the fact that stopping picking my skin would prevent the premature aging of my
skin, and instead simply remaining the same yet adding the dimension of fear to
fuel my disorder, wherein I remain in a constant fear reaction that is
re-charged every time I participate in another picking session.
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to exist within the constant fear of aging and losing my youth
and perceived ‘beauty’ or ‘attractiveness’ due to the damage I have done to my skin,
and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a
heightened reaction to my skin aging due to the heightened value and importance
I have place on having ‘perfect skin’ and youth and beauty when I am in fact
destroying the potential for any of this through accepting and allowing
dermatillomania.
Also within this, I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to fear the very real point of ‘too late-ness’,
wherein my skin will slow down and stop regenerating, and I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to fear living full of regrets due to having
destroyed something that I have placed so much value and importance upon.
I commit myself to preserve my skin and
assist and support it to be the healthiest it can possibly be, not from a
starting point of fear of loss/attractiveness/beauty, but from the starting
point of self-acceptance, self-love and self-care.
I will
continue within my next blog.
I will continue re-defining the word ‘skin’ in my next blog. Until then, check out this video on re-defining words: From Redefining Words to Living Words Self-Study with support, learn to respect you and others, learn how to stop mind chatter, learn how to forgive so effectively that you actually change forever, learn how to stop and change the automatic thoughts that run your life. Sign up for the free course at this link: DIPLITE, try it for yourself . 
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