Day 1 - Picking my Skin - The Source is the Thoughts, the Source is Me
7:23 PM
One of the biggest realizations I've had recently within this disorder is that I held a lot of blame towards others. I would experience people staring at me and judging me in their minds, and I would want to be alone, and I would dread having to go out in public. What I realized is that no one is doing this to me, no one else is responsible for my internal experience but me, and
it’s all up in my head. I’m not saying that the outside world doesn’t notice or
react when the damage I’ve done is revealed; what I am saying is that what I’m
dreading is my own creation: judgments and reactions to the external environment and my own
reactions to the thoughts I’m having about that external environment. Just
think of a child with a skin condition, a disorder or a deformity. The child
lives and expresses freely until it learns the shame, judgment and remorse that
is so common within us as we age. We program this into ourselves through thinking, over and over again, without monitoring or reigning in these thought processes.
This is cool to realize because once we realize
that we actually have control over what goes on in our own mind through stopping thoughts (which I will
call directive principle), we realize that we can stop a large part of what
feeds this disorder within us, simply by stopping and changing the way we think and react.
The process I am walking to apply this change in a practical way is
a process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. Please visit my
other
blog (Kim's Journey to Life) in which the latter half is dedicated the OCD
and dermatillomania, because I wrote quite a few blogs and it demonstrates the use of self-forgiveness, a life-changing technique that brings you back to yourself. I also have another blog called
Thru Breath where I
have been walking a process of self-correction, and it is another good example
of the application of the tools of self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements
and self-corrective application).
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