I am continuing from my last blog post where I am working on
an application of developing myself from a starting point of creation (creating a New Me!), while at
the same time, letting go of OCD. Obviously, self-change and self-creation are
not as easy as writing a list and sticking to it. The process of making new
habits and breaking old ones requires time, dedication, persistence, perseverance
and patience, among other qualities (these are just the ones that have come up
for me most in my experience). What I
have found is that there must be a balance here. A balance meaning, balancing
between the physical doing, and then
also walking through the mind/mental elements.
It has been about three weeks that I have been working on
incorporating these new elements into my life, and my first report is that it
is a lot tougher than I thought it would be! I have managed to integrate a few
of points to certain degrees. It is like having planted seeds which I am now
nurturing to grow, and the seeds are sprouting and growing at different speeds.
The good news is that all of them have ‘germinated’ so to speak – meaning, I
have given attention to all of the points, and I see potential in each one to
develop, and some have already begun!
One of the things I noticed is that it is tough to remember
all these new things I want to incorporate into myself and my life, when I
already have quite a busy schedule. Whenever I confront this point of not
having time, I think of a quote I hear that says “saying you don’t have enough
time is like saying you don’t care”. It’s true because I ALWAYS find time for
OCD/derma, so if I have time for that multiple times a day, I then also have
time to give to my own self-creation. So, time is no excuse, this can be done.
Another mind/mental aspect that has been making this
application difficult is the resistances I feel in relation to doing these
things. I will prepare a moment for myself to, for example write or to work out.
When the time comes, it s like hitting a wall, everything of me does NOT want
to do it, and all of me would prefer to go into OCD/derma instead. In this
moment, I have sometimes fallen (for which I forgive myself), and sometimes
stood and moved me (yay!).
When I have moved myself into the direction of my choice, it
has never been as bad or as hard as I thought it would be. It has rather in
fact always been a huge beneficial support and an empowering self-movement and
self-direction. In fact, I often end up feeling a sense of relief and lightness
within me, almost as if it took more energy to maintain the resistance to
maintain the internal battle than to just pick myself up and move to do it.
In my next post I will look at how re-defining and living words has assisted me in the more difficult moments where I faced points of resistance or reactions.
