I had an amazing realization about how to transform my
self-relationship while listening to a recording (called ‘You Will Never BecomeWhat You Don’t Recognize Within You’). WOW,
I can’t believe I missed this one! But I am SO grateful that I finally have!
The interview was explaining how we often times feel we need
to wait to be that image of our perceived perfection in order to develop things
like self-worth, self-intimacy, and self-value. In a recent post (here), I had
a pretty big wake-up call in the form of realizing how hard I have been on
myself, really seeing the relationship of self-abuse I have been living. I also
realized that I had to develop a relationship of self-support within knowing
that I still have abusive tendencies, I still have OCD/derma, but I can’t wait
to improve and transform my self-relationship, because then I may end up
waiting forever.
These are very valuable realizations, but they miss one very
important consideration: I over-looked everything nice, everything nurturing,
every action I took that demonstrated self-worth, self-intimacy and self-value.
I acted as if I had never done any of these things, and only lived a relationship
of self-abuse. I completely disregarded myself and all the times I actually DID
incorporate living actions of transformation.
For example, where is the acknowledgment for every time I sat
down and wrote myself out to gain clarity and self-understanding? I have
literally done this hundreds of times, but was acting as if all of that time
and dedication I put into myself was worth nothing – essentially perpetuating
self-devaluation by not looking at these actions, these living statements of
self-intimacy.
Even the most minute things…. Every time I chose healthy
food, every time I put aside time for myself to take a relaxing bath with
skin-nurturing oils and salts… every time I picked myself up after a fall,
every time I got my shit together when I was in a rut… every time I took a
breath and calmed my anxiety… every time I stopped picking and did something
different.
ALL of these hundreds or thousands of moments that I did not
recognize, where I did something for me, proving how much I actually DO care,
consider, respect and regard myself. It seems obvious now – but we do have the tendency
to sometimes miss the obvious!
I know how many people out there that are suffering from
mental disorder may feel as I have – that everything is bad and we are only
ever bad and doing harm unto ourselves. But the truth is, we are all fighting,
all taking actions to support ourselves every time we reach out and do anything
that is to our own benefit.
So, when I now look at the title of my post, I see I have in
so many ways, already developed this relationship of self-support, self-nurture,
self-worth, self-intimacy, self-value and so much more.
What I learned in the recording, I simply have to recognize
these living actions as the words I do in fact live, so that I can become it
fully, embrace it as me fully, and continue to create myself as that which I
wish to be, do and live.
Image source:
https://imageofgrace.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/babykissingmirror.jpg
