Monday, December 19, 2016

Day 46 - OCD: Conditioning Your Body As Stress




In my search for answers for how to live with and manage OCD, I have done a lot of online searching. When I find advice that I can identify with it’s like finding a puzzle piece that I can use to piece myself back together in a way where I can rebuild myself and my life into something better and greater than I currently experience. I listened to the above video on YouTube that was just such a piece.
I had realized already that I live inside my body in a constant mixture of stress, fear and anxiety (along with irritation, agitation, anger and frustration as well!). I realized this because I have been practising developing self-awareness through self-investigative writing and self-forgiveness. In this development, I began to check in with myself more throughout the day. The piece I had been missing, not considered or not fully realized was the fact that this constant physical state is affecting the way I think, what I think about, and how I comport myself throughout my day (this is illustrated in a vlog I did about having a ‘problem oriented mindset’).
It is quite surprising how little we are aware of the state in which our bodies exist throughout the day, especially when the day is busy with work or childcare or any daily responsibilities really.  I have been applying a technique of noticing when my body is in a stressed state by ‘checking in’ many times throughout the day. I also have indicators such as pains or pressures in my back, for example, that serve as reminders for me to think about how I am accepting and allowing myself to be. I never fully realized that in taking care of and relaxing in my body, I am actually making it easier to break through some of the cyclical and patterned thinking I had become so used to. Here is how I do it right now:
At my work, there is a lot of pressure in terms of deadlines and the drive for detailed perfection in the work I do in the financial industry. What I will do is, in moments where I think I need to go faster and do more, and I can feel my whole body is tense, I will stop everything. I will just breathe and let the experience of myself come forth, and I will really feel it; not push it down, not suppress it or ignore it. I will dwell within it to really see what my body is feeling like, and in those moments, it is very unpleasant.
I will give myself a minute or so to close my eyes, breathe and let go. I give myself permission to let go of the pressure. It doesn’t mean I slow down in my work necessarily, in fact, I have found it has the opposite effect, wherein I become more effective and the quality of my work increases. I have found that, in these moments it’s like my mind is screaming “no no no, don’t stop, keep moving, faster, harder!”, but I do not listen. I truly give myself the gift of presence and slowing down internally.
One time, while I was experimenting with this application, I actually did slow down within my work as well, and ended up missing a deadline! However, there was a big difference in how I felt about it afterwards. Instead of beating myself up about it and really bullying myself internally like I was used to, I thought to myself, “well that was worth it”. I had placed myself above the work. This is not always possible if you want to keep your job, slowing down to the point of being late that is. But in playing with it, I realized that I can in fact slow down within myself, while maintaining speed at work.
I also felt that if my boss were to approach me about the lateness, I would feel justified in my stance. I really was working very hard (hence why I was in a stressed state). I was placed in a position that was beyond my reasonable physical abilities. I will not kill myself for my job, I will work reasonably. And in that, I felt very clear about where there were gaps in man-power, and was able to identify weaknesses in the management of the team.
This is just one more example of how self-change and even slight re-alignment can have such a huge impact on our physical and mental health and well-being. I already have OCD, I don’t need to place on top of that even more burden, stress or pressure on my body. I will rather learn how to manage it, and also fight for myself in such a way where all can benefit. In today’s world where we are so easily replaced, over worked and under-paid, this is a battle worth looking at for the betterment of all. But if we keep accepting and allowing ourselves to work ourselves to death, nobody is going to change anything, as this reality is actually very economical for companies… but this is a whole other point for another blog!
To take the first step in supporting YOURSELF, you can check out the following links that led me to take the first steps toward healing, and continue to support me to this day:

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
 


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