Sunday, January 22, 2017

Day 49 - OCD and Mental/Physical Balance



I am continuing from my last blog post  where I am working on an application of developing myself from a starting point of creation (creating a New Me!), while at the same time, letting go of OCD. Obviously, self-change and self-creation are not as easy as writing a list and sticking to it. The process of making new habits and breaking old ones requires time, dedication, persistence, perseverance and patience, among other qualities (these are just the ones that have come up for me most in my experience).  What I have found is that there must be a balance here. A balance meaning, balancing between the physical doing, and then also walking through the mind/mental elements.

It has been about three weeks that I have been working on incorporating these new elements into my life, and my first report is that it is a lot tougher than I thought it would be! I have managed to integrate a few of points to certain degrees. It is like having planted seeds which I am now nurturing to grow, and the seeds are sprouting and growing at different speeds. The good news is that all of them have ‘germinated’ so to speak – meaning, I have given attention to all of the points, and I see potential in each one to develop, and some have already begun!

One of the things I noticed is that it is tough to remember all these new things I want to incorporate into myself and my life, when I already have quite a busy schedule. Whenever I confront this point of not having time, I think of a quote I hear that says “saying you don’t have enough time is like saying you don’t care”. It’s true because I ALWAYS find time for OCD/derma, so if I have time for that multiple times a day, I then also have time to give to my own self-creation. So, time is no excuse, this can be done.

Another mind/mental aspect that has been making this application difficult is the resistances I feel in relation to doing these things. I will prepare a moment for myself to, for example write or to work out. When the time comes, it s like hitting a wall, everything of me does NOT want to do it, and all of me would prefer to go into OCD/derma instead. In this moment, I have sometimes fallen (for which I forgive myself), and sometimes stood and moved me (yay!).

When I have moved myself into the direction of my choice, it has never been as bad or as hard as I thought it would be. It has rather in fact always been a huge beneficial support and an empowering self-movement and self-direction. In fact, I often end up feeling a sense of relief and lightness within me, almost as if it took more energy to maintain the resistance to maintain the internal battle than to just pick myself up and move to do it.

In my next post I will look at how re-defining and living words has assisted me in the more difficult moments where I faced points of resistance or reactions. 



Monday, January 2, 2017

Day 48 - Self-Creation: Who Will I Be?

          The title of this post is an amazing question, because I get to answer it and decide 100% for myself, and that is so empowering! This is not the first time, however, that I have put myself into action to change. One of the biggest realizations I have had is that grandiose sweeping changes rarely last and are not so easy to sustain. Maybe sometimes, but for the following application, I will take it slow, step-by-step.

          Below is a chart which is based on the application described in my previous blog. It is the basic ground-work for who and how I would like to be and become. It is, in my view, a 'healthy' (as in: normal, constructive, beneficial to myself and my living, self-expansive)  foundation to set for myself as that which I would like to birth as me:




Work on Developing

Exercise






Writing




Maintaining a clean environment






Find a Hobby









Reading




Preparing my Day the night before




Vlogging


Down time

               


Self-Expression

How To

Starting with three times a week. Twice doing strength/muscular in my room with youtube videos, and then one jog/long walk on the weekends. Taking a different bus after work so I get a 20 minute walk home .Take stairs in metro.

Every night post in daily self-forgiveness. Three times a week, one of the following: blog about realizations or sf. Personal sf that is deeper/not public..

Create a place for everything. Put things back in their place once done. Do laundry weekly, vacuum weekly. Weekend organizing. Get rid of stuff I don’t use/need. Take responsibility to do after dinner clean up for my mom. Keep my stuff in my room, not in the public spaces.

When I have spare time I would like to do something creative/artistic. My mom has an art studio at home I can use. I would like to do bead work or stained glass or collage. I would spend quality time with my mom and relate to her through art. I would enjoy it. I would need to buy some supplies but she has all the tools. Arrange to go with her to art store next time she goes.

On the bus to and from work is when I have time to myself to read a book for pleasure. Prevents me from going into the mind and becoming stressed about the day ahead, or by other passengers.


Before I go to bed, go into the kitchen and prepare my lunch, the coffee machine. Get clothes ready for the next day. Shower at night, not in the morning.


 One French vlog a month. Do regular hangouts discussing topics of self-introspection and self-expansion. One process vlog a month.

At least once a week bubble baths, once a week movie – which ever movie will be on the movie hangout with Mike and Marlen.



Through writing, vlogging and blogging.

With my parents over dinner.
Nightly chats with my partner.
At work.
Do not speak in reaction, practice self-honest expression, breathe through desire for attention. Speak what comes up within me as points or realizations.
Practice how to: Listen. Breathe. Be Natural. Calm. Comfortable.

Write out points to work through fears in relation to  communicating. Practice listening, breathing through reactions while talking on the phone or in person. Note points that come up after chatting. Push self-honesty. Listen.